I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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