So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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