apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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