I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize