It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize