Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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