she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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