Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize