covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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