I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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