if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He better not be in your backpack
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize