and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize