How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize