So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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