Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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