So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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