new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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