oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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