I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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