how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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