I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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