There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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