bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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