I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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