and next time when you feel me up, do it right
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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