whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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