Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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