Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize