youre lurking in front of me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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