What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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