I want to walk on stilts...naked
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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