i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize