Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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