No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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