I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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