Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize