how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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