I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize