A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize