Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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