thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize