woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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