so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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