I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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