Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize