So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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