Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
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I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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