Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize