im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize