I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize